Y 100 Jingle Ball - Show

While visiting Brazil recently, Avril Lavigne’s most dedicated fans were offered the rare chance to meet their eternally angsty emo idol. For a price, that is and of course. To attend this meet-and-greet, her fans had to pony up what amounts to $400 each (not including the ticket price), and they were explicitly told they could not touch the pop star. Check out the pictures here.

Now, as exciting as it sounds to stand somewhat close to Avril Lavigne in Brazil, I have to admit, I can think of some wiser ways to burn through $400 (some of them even being Canadian things!). Here are five things I’d rather shell out four hundred bucks for, as opposed to dropping racks on the mother of all awkward celebrity encounters.

A life-sized hand-carved bear statue

When people come into my home and see the formidable wooden bear that I purchased, my guests will know I mean business. It will be rustic and stained dark. It will be decorated on holidays. It will be an imposing presence that conveys, “This guy won’t f**king pay to meet Avil Lavigne in South America.”

A ticket to Canada

Although meeting Chad Kroeger’s wife is not on my to-do list, exploring and better understanding our brethren to the north does hold some mystery for me. Perhaps there is more to them than whiskey, hockey and maple syrup. Who knows? I could be right, ey?

Neil Young’s Entire Catalogue

Many musicians are from Canada (even a certain pop star who’s name rhymes with “fever”), but few can stand toe-to-toe with the great Neil Young. Owning his entire repertoire would do wonders to get Avril’s latest sugar-coated pop music spawn out of my head.

The Complete Encyclopedia Britannica

Yes, the Internet exists. Largely meaning, that these volumes are an extravagant waste of money. They are, however, a very wise investment when compared to standing two feet away from a certain “Sk8er Boi” songstress.

150 Bags of Pretzels

Why? Because I love pretzels. Plain and simple. They are salty and crunchy and delicious. Conversely, Avril Lavigne is just terrible.