😉 = Stupid

The person who came up with this little symbol thought he or she was really clever. But all of these little faces that everyone places at the ends of their e-mails, texts and Facebook statuses is the reason why our society as we know it is falling apart.

If America fails at the winter games this year, you’ll have an emoticon to thank for it.

You know who gets excited about winking and smiley faces? Babies, that’s who. They love it. You know why? Cause babies can’t speak. The rest of us adults have lives to lead and don’t need 😮 or :)) or 😀 to help us get through the day.

And I know you think you’re helping when you put a winking face at the end of a sentence. But I don’t need you to tell me that you are being sarcastic. I get it. I swim in a sea of sarcasm on a daily basis. I have never once read an e-mail that had a wink at the end of it and thought, “Thank God he made the international sign for winking! I really thought he was serious when he said he wanted to kill his boss. I almost called the cops! Wow, that winking face sure saved me from some embarrassment!”

If we are friends and you are joking then I don’t need you to tell me so. That’s why we are friends and putting some sort of silly face at the end of your message only weakens our bond. And if we aren’t friends and you indeed are joking then the hell with you. Who are you to be joking with me? What are we, close?

It’s like the smiley face gives permission to be an ass. It’s no different then when you were in high school and some knucklehead came up to you and said, “Dude, your girlfriend’s a skank…just kidding!” Like the “just kidding” made it okay to hurt my feelings. (It hurt all the more because my high school girlfriend was in fact a skank.)

And how about this thought: how many times in real life has someone winked at you and you’ve immediately wanted to stab that person in the throat with an incandescent light bulb? A lot, right? Well, it’s just as annoying when you are doing it via e-mail or text message. Winking is not cute in public and it’s not cute in technology.

So to all of you out there who are in love with emoticons, see if you fall in love with this one I just made up:

^^|^^

That’s me giving you the finger.