Spankwire: A company dedicated to crafting only the finest, most durable and long-lasting bass strings in all gauges. So no matter what bass you’re playing, you can spank the hell out of it with impunity.

Captain Stabbin: Based in Key West, this company takes you on fishing trips where you are only able to stab the fish with a spear you whittle and forge for yourself. No hooks, no lines, no mercy.

Let’s Try Anal: A company that serves the special niche of people who are becoming successful in business, but are extremely unorganized. Let’s Try Anal trains you in the ways of organization, neatness and unfailing precision. Workshops for entire offices or companies are offered along with one-on-one lessons or a double-dip package containing both.

Mike’s Apartment: The Airbnb for people who like to party and for apartment owners who do not care if others party at their apartment, as long as they clean up reasonably well after themselves.

Naughty Bookworms: A team of life coaches specializing in the adolescent-to-teenage demographic. They offer services that allow children to develop a reputation as a bad boy/bad girl while also keeping up those grades and ensuring school lessons are mentally retained.

Money Talks: A management group that specializes in public speakers who are rich and give talks to sales people, etc. about how to become more financially successful.

First Time Auditions: Acting classes for people who would like to be actors or actresses but have been stalled by a crippling fear of facing their first real audition. Hypnosis is often incorporated in the “process.”

In The VIP: A company for high rollers who have been unable to make enough of a name for themselves to gain admittance to the hottest clubs in their metropolitan area, but would like to do so so that they can impress other vapid people. In The VIP works hand-in-hand with the clubs you’ve been rejected from to grant you one-night access to the VIP room of your choosing.

Public Pickups: A Brooklyn car service. (This one might actually already exist.)

Bang Bus: A mobile practice space and studio for bands who have members on house arrest, etc. Bang Bus brings the funk to you.

Big Naturals: A nursery that specializes in cultivating redwoods and other gigantic plants and trees that you can plant in your own back yard!

Round And Brown: A personalized bowling ball start-up comprised of some of the best young talent in the bowling ball fabrication game today. But they only make brown balls. It’s their thing.

Mike In Brazil: A Brazilian offshoot of Mike’s Apartment. (“Mike” is still “Mike” in Portuguese.)

Monster Curves: A group of former pro skateboarders who now design and build pools and half-pipes so you and your boys can shred in style… in your own back yard!

Happy Tugs: A tugboat freight transportation company that is known for their jovial and accommodating customer service.

Team Squirt: This company exists for the kids who have advanced beyond the traditional Super Soaker, and seek to up their water-shooting game with personalized neon plastic weapons that pack a powerful punch.

I Know That Girl: A private investigation firm that helps you track down your missed connections. Staff includes a certified former NYPD sketch artist.

Teens At Work: A program that enables adolescents to shadow teens at their various jobs and internships, so they can get an idea what it’s like to work, and better decide what they would like to do for some extra scratch during their formative years.

Real Wife Stories: An open forum-based website where women can exchange stories about their husbands and garner support from other participating wives/members.

Naughty Weddings: An event planning team for couples looking to have a wild wedding and post-nuptials celebration that eschews the traditional wedding reception practices and formats.

Dirty Wives Club: An international non-profit that allows wives to volunteer for filthy hard labor jobs. Great for women who want to get a great strength workout in while bettering their local community, and also for women who are sick of their husband being such a martyr about the Blue Collar job he works to “put food on the table” that he maintains women “cannot handle.”

Housewife 1 On 1: A therapeutic counseling group that sets up and arbitrates husband shadowing sessions where a wife teaches him to do all of the housekeeping tasks she has taken on since marrying him.