Parker Posey is so much my jam that if she were a song she would be on constant repeat on my Ipod (and if she were a song she would obviously be an indie song because in the nineties Ms. Posey was labeled “The Queen of the Indies” because she was in approximately 9,637 independent films in the span of about seven years). She is actually more than just my jam – she is my jammy jam. Yes, Posey would probably flick a lit cigarette at my face for the above sentence, but that just makes her all the cooler.

The reasons why Ms. Parker Posey is my jam are simple yet concrete. Here is just a partial list:

1) She is beautiful.

2) She is talented.

3) She is funny.

4) She doesn’t give a rat’s ass what you think about her.

Basically, she is hitting all four quadrants of coolness. (Throw in the fact that her name is really fun to say and Parker Posey is now the center square in a five-quadrant representation of badassedness.) So let’s break down the above four qualities that make Ms. Posey so friggin’ cool:

1) She is beautiful.

Yeah, I put the easy one first. I’m a guy; what do you want from me? But the thing about Parker Posey’s beauty is that it isn’t inherent to her character. She doesn’t always have to look hot which makes her hotness even hotter. That and she doesn’t age. She looks the exact same as she did in the nineties and that certainly doesn’t suck.

2) She is talented.

All of her characters are fully realized persons who are funny, sad, charismatic, and annoying. That is an incredibly hard thing to pull off but Parker Posey seems to do it with ease. She is good in everything. She crushes it in “Scream 3,” which frankly by then was a franchise that needed an infusion of Posey Power. Even when she guest stars on TV shows she kills it. Her work on “The Good Wife,” “New Girl,” and “Parks and Recreation” are all but brief glimpses of her genius. But if you really want to see Parker Posey in full Parker Posey Mode, check her out when she guest starred on “Louie.”  Her portrayal of the suicidal librarian was dark, disturbing, and yet completely adorable and engaging. You wanted to run away from her and hug her all at the same time.

3) She is funny.

You don’t get to be in the Christopher Guest trifecta of  “Waiting For Guffman,” “Best In Show,” and “A Mighty Wind” without having some sort of comedy chops. You would get massacred on that set with all of that comedic talent there. So you know Ms. Posey has got the goods. Her breakout role in “Dazed And Confused” was just as funny and mesmerizing as Mathew McCononaughey’s, with even less screen time and no mustache. There’s also a little known movie called “Sleep With Me” from 1994 where she is at her b**chy-funniest, stealing absolutely every scene she is in, particularly the one where she invades a “guy’s night” poker game and hysterically puts every guy in their place. It is vintage Posey and it is a joy to behold.

4) She doesn’t give a rat’s ass what you think about her.

This is the quality that ties it all together. Parker Posey has done so many different types of shows and movies not because of the money – seriously, she must be grossly underpaid for how good she is – but because she’s a gamer. She likes to work and if you don’t like her work or see it or even know about it, her attitude seems to be, “the hell with you.”  That attitude is insanely appealing and is what makes Parker Posey so Parker Posey-ish. (Again, she would probably flick a cigarette at me for saying that, but again, that’s what makes her cool.)

So here’s to you, Parker Posey. Long may the world groove to the ultimate jam that is you.