I mean it was only a matter of time, right? Broga, or, yoga for bros, is apparently everywhere. There are broga classes being offered all over the country. There is even Broga in Malaysia, though that is just a small town near Kuala Lumpur and therefore not as important as the broga I am talking about. The East Bank Club, a swanky fitness club in Chicago, also offers a broga class and on their website they state:
“This class combines traditional power yoga with functional fitness exercises to build muscle, improve balance and flexibility, reduce risk of injury, and relieve stress. Broga is designed for men who may not be able to touch their toes, but still want to train like a professional athlete.”
The above totally makes sense and I would normally approve of this class whole-heartedly if the club hadn’t gone and jacked it up by labeling it with the stupid name, “broga.” That description could be used for virtually any yoga class, not just a class that caters to dudes who are into beer pong and quoting “Entourage.” A yoga class is a yoga class is a yoga class. But now, because of the moniker, all I keep thinking of are questions such as these:
* Does the broga instructor wear his cap backwards?
* For a yoga mat do they use a beach towel with an image of a giant PBR can on it?
* Instead of burning incense do they just blow Axe Body Spray all over the room?
* Is “Downward Facing Dog” now called “Downward Facing Bro?”
* Rather than softly playing new age music do they blast “Where’s The Weed At” by The Kottonmouth Kings on repeat?
* Instead of doing peaceful “ohms” do they just scream out, “YOLO, b**ches!”
* At the end of class do they give each other pounds instead of saying, “Namaste?”
Of course, we all know none of this is the case. It’s just a regular yoga class – nothing more, nothing less. Which makes the fact that they are calling it “broga” even worse. If you want to offer a yoga class that truly bros out, that truly caters to all the bros out there, then do that. Make it the broiest broga class in all of Brosville. Don’t just stamp the name on it and do a standard yoga class you could find anywhere. To put it in the simplest bro terms, “Don’t talk about it. Be about it.”
Another thing to consider is, why the need to even “bro” yoga out? Does yoga really need “broing?” Shouldn’t that be the one thing in the world that has no need for a label? I’m pretty sure yoga doesn’t need branding and as a branding term “bro” has far more negative connotations than positive ones. So for any fitness club to use it so brazenly seems… damn, what’s that word… oh yeah… stupid.
And as a health club member who just so happens to be male, if you are that insecure that the idea of going to a regular yoga class threatens your masculinity and you need the class to be called “broga” in order to improve your body and mind, then you truly have bigger issues than core strength. No one thinks you’re soft by taking a yoga class and you certainly aren’t hardcore by going to something called “broga.” That name change is not going to make your issues disappear. Maybe seek therapy, or if that’s too intense for you, go ahead and call it “broapy.”
I understand that all of this judgment I’m tossing around is really the antithesis to the foundation of what yoga really is. There should be no judgment in yoga. There should only be an understanding that we are all just trying to better ourselves by investing in a yoga practice – any yoga practice.
But the thing is, this is called “broga.” And because it is called “broga,” I am going to judge the s*#t out of it.
YOLO, B**CHES!
