While it’s generally thought of that the woman is the one who spends hours (days?) fretting over her appearance for a date, us fellas also take some time to ensure we look as bangeable — um, I mean presentable — on our dates as we can. Here’s a look into what goes through our heads as we decide.

Get this body right

Quick intense workout to make it look like I (mostly) have muscles. Trim up the hurr that needs trimming. Properly manscaped and the back of the neck feeling oh so smooth. Showered for extra freshness. Quick sesh while in there to drain the pipes and clear my thoughts of the sinful acts I’d like to perpetrate with my date.

Deodorant right away so it’ll dry by the time I put on a shirt. Teeth brushed. Do I need to shave? I should shave. But it’s only been a couple of days since I last shaved, I should be fine right? I should shave. Do my nails need to be clipped? Thankfully, no.

Hair is looking super sharp. Just the right amount of messy without looking like I rolled out of bed. Mental note to not touch my hair for the rest of the night.

Get this outfit on point

What are the clean clothes at my disposal? And how is it that I still haven’t gotten my go-to shirt cleaned since the last date? Stupid “Dry Clean Only” rule.

Sexy underwear is clean and on. Crazy socks to show that I have a fun side. Socks match the shirt ever so subtly. Wait — does this match? They’re both shades of green. That matches, right? I mean it’s not an egregious combination like Seahawks green and forest green. Doin’ it. Go big or go home. Or rather, go big so she goes home with me. Hot damn I’m funny.

What is this shirt doing for me? Slight pressure at the buttons when I take a deep breath to show solid pecs but not so tight it looks like manboobs. Sleeves are a little tight when rolled up to make forearms look beefy. NOICE.

First date, so I have to wear these jeans. I mean, they’re the sexy pants. Damn my ass looks good in these. And the package has been adequately accentuated. In fact, do I dare tuck in the shirt? It’s slim enough to handle it. Bangeable factor increased.

What shoes work with these pants? If only I could bust out the fresh kicks. Ah but that’s “uncouth.” Lame. Why do the fancy shoes have to be the least comfy ones? I guess I can do the work boots I’ve yet to do a minute of work in. Or saddle shoes? With the brown belt that perfectly matches it? SUPER bangeable.

And for accessories I have the watch. Should I get bracelet or something? Naw, no need for crazy accessories that have the potential of making me look stupid. Oh and my hanky in case there’s a lot of walking/the place is hot and I’ll need to take care of some brow sweat.

Get those final touches

Make sure the sheets are clean and made (fortune favors the prepared and whatnot). Dirty clothes have been shoved into closet and door is shut.

Spritz of cologne to smell good without overpowering everyone in a 2-block radius with my smell.

Confirm I have cash in the wallet in case we end up at a cash-only spot.

Grab a piece of gum to freshen breath while on my way. Mental note to spit out gum before actually getting there.
Am I being too cliche with the buttoned-down shirt? It’s a good-looking shirt though. Should I go Henley? A Henley would go well with this outfit. Ah screw it, it’s fine. I look plenty bangeable.

NOW LET’S GET LAID!