There is an old saying that states the only things certain in life are death and taxes. And although true, that is an incomplete statement. The other thing that is certain in life, and is actually more certain than death or taxes, is this:

Somewhere on this planet at this exact moment, there is a group of girls dancing in a circle.

Dance circles are awesome – how can you not like the sight of a bunch of girls dancing and having a good time? That being said, breaking into a dance circle can be harder than breaking into Fort Knox. One false move, one spilled drink or one stepped-on toe will get you shipped off, back to the bar and ostracized for such poor decorum. There is a right way to break into a dance circle – a way that makes the girls happy and, more importantly, makes you look good.

Don’t Rush: That dance circle ain’t going nowhere. No need to bum rush it. These ladies came to dance. Unless four of the five girls need to go to the bathroom, that dance circle will remain intact. Casually make your way to the dance circle and casually work your way into it. Move around the edges – don’t linger, that’s creepy – until you find a natural time and space to get into the dance circle. Ease yourself into it like an old man eases into a hot bath. (Okay, not the best visual but you get the drift.)

Old School Jams Are Your Friend: Waiting for the DJ to play an old school jam (and they will always play an old school jam at some point in their mix) is a great way to introduce yourself into a dance circle. Everyone loves reliving a song from their youth, even more so when the whole crowd is vibing on it. (“Poison” by Bell Biv Devoe is over twenty years old and it is still a club banger. No one in their right mind can deny that tune.) Use that shared experience as your entrance into the circle of dance.

There Is No Talking In The Dance Circle: It’s not called a “let’s get to know each other and connect on a spiritual level” circle. It is called a “dance” circle for a reason. You are there to dance. At that moment no girl cares that you brew your own ale or that your best friend’s cousin is the bassist for Imagine Dragons. Keep your mouth shut and your feet moving.

Do Not Be Exclusive: Making a beeline to the girl you think is the hottest one there is a sure fire way to get the word “Rejection” stamped on your forehead. Include everyone in the circle. This will make you look like “That Fun Guy Who Is Nice To Everyone” as opposed to “That Skeeze Who Is Grinding On Our Bestie.”

Everyone Is A Good Dancer In The Dance Circle: Okay, that might not always be true. But you need to act like it is true. All the girls in the dance circle need to feel like they can groove. Give any dismissive look or smirk to one of the girls and the rest will pounce on you like a pack of wild, rabid wolves…and not in the good way.

Sometimes The Circle Was Not Meant To Be Broken: If one of the girls screams out “This is my jam!” and all the other girls squeal in agreement…DO NOT GO INTO THE DANCE CIRCLE. This dance circle is not for you. It is for them. You do not belong. Do yourself a favor; stand back, observe, encourage and wait for the next song.

If Another Dude Steps Into The Dance Circle…DANCE OFF: Once you are established in the dance circle, protect it. Don’t let some other guy come in and take advantage of all the work you’ve done. Don’t let him live off of your shine. This is your circle. Nay, this is your house! Challenge this Joe Bag O’Donuts to a dance off. He will either 1) decline out of fear 2) accept and be defeated or 3) accept and defeat you, which is still okay cause you’ll get points for the effort.

And finally, the most important rule of all when breaking into a girls’ dance circle…

Stay in the dance circle until the girls tell you to go away.