I need some new suits, okay, I want some new suits. I don’t actually need them, but I like clothes, colors and cool fabrics. I’m 68 (when the hell did that happen), straight, and think the best move for guys my age is to dress well. I just remembered, when I was starting out on my first real job in an office, my mother said, “Always be the best dressed guy in the room and people will think you’re important.”

It seems that as guys get older they care less about how they look, when it should be the opposite. I don’t get it, you should care more, and throw out all that bland, shapeless non-color stuff you’ve had for 10 years.

I guarantee if you get 6 new bright striped or bold checked shirts, even your farty suits and fat-ass Dockers will look better. Shirts and ties are the first and most lasting component people see; sharp colors or patterns make people smile and make you look healthier. This goes hand in hand with exercising–you’ll feel better and look better at the same time. Let’s be honest here, most people judge a book by its cover, and if you don’t care how you look, it gives off a low self-esteem vibe. I’m not saying wear circus clothes or colors that have silly pastelly names to them. Have the guts to ask someone whose style you like where they shop, or find cool web sites that show full outfits. Listen, if an old dude like me can navigate the web, anyone can.

Words of warning: If you tell your wife or significant other you want to buy younger hipper clothing be prepared for the following response: Oh really, why is that?

My suggestion is don’t follow up with, Oh yeah, I also need new underwear.