Now, I am never one to stifle anyone’s creativity or their commitment to unique, wonderful individualism. The very best and brightest among us belong to the ranks of the charmingly eccentric. But a trend has taken a stranglehold on follicles everywhere I go now, and it’s time to comb through it. That’s right, I’m referring to the topknot/tiny ponytail on fellas everywhere.
Perhaps a year or so ago, every gent with even the mildest inkling of #fashion had that Nazi haircut. Don’t act like you don’t know the coif to which I am referring: shaved on the sides, meticulously combed and side-parted up top. Very militaristic. Very Aryan. Yeah, that’s the one. For a moment there, it was like wildfire. Everywhere you’d go, men looked ready to invade Poland.
Like Chinese symbol tattoos, puka shell necklaces and lengthy beards (which are still going strong), these terrible fashionable moments arrive like a train to Fuglytown and everyone climbs on board and makes a fuss. Sign of the times, right? You just had to be there? Perhaps. I’m not going to make any more Third Reich analogies and I’m not going to talk about D.A.R.E. and peer pressure. But I will say this: critical thinking wasn’t exactly taught in my public education upbringing. In fact, no mention of questioning authority and critical analysis was presented to me until those university days, and that is injustice.
Am I so pompous as to say that if you like tying your hair in a knot at the top of your head, as a self-respecting, grown-up guy, you’re failing to think critically? No way. Go for it! Let your mini-ponytail bounce boldly. Haters gonna hate (me included). I suppose that thinking critically can only get you so far with an idiosyncrasy like a hair style. For example: No matter how imbecilic that floppy tuft of hair on top your head is, you’re doing you.
In closing, remember those days when you were kid, and your parents got out the old photos and they looked so happy and ridiculous in their bell bottoms and floral blouses? Remember the Afros on just about everyone? You laughed and laughed and you were right to do so, because times change — this moment’s en vogue look is tomorrow’s faux pas. We’re meant to change and mark those changes with everything from fashion, to cars, to home décor. Sign of the times, right? Just be prepared to explain that topknot to some small, incredulous, and awestruck faces someday.