barber giving man haircut

When I walk into the just-now-shamlessly-promoted Persons of Interest barbershop, I point at my barber and say “Hey Matt, let’s do that voodoo that you do to my ‘do!” Then I hook my fedora perfectly on a coat rack and we dance a routine that’d give Fred Astaire a Funny Face while he pops a Top Hat in his Holiday Inn (just drink in that brilliant triple-threat reference and disturbing mental image). The reason I go through all this pomp and circumstance is because I appreciate the importance of a sharply-executed haircut. Along with my penchant for musical theater.

We dudes tend to under-appreciate haircuts, in the sense that we don’t appreciate them at all. I was there. “Why do I need to pay money for something I can do with my clippers and a #3 guide in my bathroom?” I’d defiantly shout at anyone who mentioned that my head looked like a giant basketball. It took several awkward-looking years and only one legit haircut for me to figure out why.

Now I get complimented on my haircut all the time. Which I don’t say to brag. I say it to show that if you see my poor excuse of a head and are able to not just accept, but downright compliment it, then that’s saying a whole helluva lot about the power of a good ‘do.

A haircut that’s on point doesn’t just give you more confidence, it makes you more respectable. It shows that you’re an adult and yeah, you still laugh at fart jokes ‘cause goddammit they’re funny, but you can also be professional and wear a suit if you need to. It looks good when it’s first cut, when you roll out of bed, and after it’s grown out. But most importantly, it makes you exponentially more bangeable.

The key to unlocking this power starts with quality. Nothing against places like Supercuts, Great Clips, etc., but they just so happen to be unholy, worthless dumps. Again, nothing against them. In order to get a good haircut, you’re going to have to go to a good barbershop. Notice I said barbershop, not hair salon. If you want a short cut you need a barbershop, ‘cause that’s what they specialize in. Just like you wouldn’t go to a sushi spot to get meatloaf (if you’re sushi chef reading this, figure out a meatloaf roll and I’ll love you forever). Plus it just feels super manly and awesome to go to a place and get a hot towel and get your edges done with a straight razor.

Granted, this quality will cost you, but it’s super manageable. For starters, a quality cut will grow in and still look good, so you can go longer between cuts. You can also stretch the time between “fancy cuts” with cleanups, which are just trims and edging for much less. So you can go spend $40-60 on a solid cut once every 3-4 months, and get it cleaned up in between (around once a month).

The final trick is self-maintenance. While you don’t have to be as comprehensive as a barbershop, you should at least make sure that the back of your neck is hair free. I’ve found the easiest way to take care of that is to use a magazine. Feel for where your head-hair ends with your fingers and wrap the magazine around the back of your head so it creates a barrier. Then slowly buzz away the unsightly neck hair. It might not be perfect, but it looks a whole helluva lot better than if you let your neck turn into a Wookiee. And assuming you’re not trying to date someone with a Chewbacca fetish, the less Wookiee the better. So keep your head right, your hair sharp, and go let your hair get you some!