Oh, the glory of the first date. All the anticipation and preparation to make sure everything goes perfectly is an art-form. But sadly, it doesn’t matter what tie you wear, or even what your breath smells like if you’ve selected the worst-possible outing. Picking a first date is a tricky business. Tailoring a date specifically for that special someone is a fun challenge, but here are five things no one should attempt when aiming to impress on that very special first date.

1) No Sporting Events – What if she likes sports? If she digs a baseball game or a soccer match, that can only be a good sign. But it’s still not a good idea to take a girl to a game on a first date. Why? Let’s see. It’s loud, raucous, emotional and messy. Not exactly the environment to get to know someone. Plus a sporting event is a mantime setting, meet her in the middle on the first time out.

2) Don’t Get Ribs – As romantic as two total strangers dripping with barbecue sauce sounds to someone out there, the reality is unbecoming of all parties involved. Let’s keep the food mess-free as much as possible for this outing. Ask if she likes sushi!

3) Don’t Invite Her to Your Mom’s House – No, unfortunately making a girl watch you play Call of Duty in a beanbag chair is NOT romantic. Sorry fellas. Moreover, if you’re asking a woman to come eat Fritos in your parents’ basement, perhaps it’s time to ask yourself some painful questions. Good luck pal.

2) Don’t Get Coffee – Unless you’re a fifty-something divorcee, you can definitely do better than a coffee outing. Why? Because it’s unimaginative to a fault. Ask her to get dessert at ’50s diner, or a drink at a cheesy chain restaurant. Coffee is more of a everyday-for-the-rest-of-our-lives activity. Make this date something extraordinary.

1) Don’t Go All Day – This is a classic mistake. You pick something that sounds romantic, like a walk on the beach. However, you have forgotten the two hours of traffic and endless searching for a parking space. If the date exceeds two hours, save it for down the road when she can’t wait to sit in traffic with you. That’s amore.