Everyone has a smart phone these days, but that doesn’t necessarily make him or her a smart choice for you — especially where your love life is concerned. When you sit down with that special someone for a stellar meal, or toast each other at a hip pub or wine bar, and you notice she texts and checks her social media (hopefully not Tinder) more often than she sips her drink or makes eye contact with you, there could be trouble fermenting in paradise. Your lady (or man) just might be more interested in her phone (or who’s texting her) than in her relationship with you. Here are six signs to help clue you in.
Seeking Privacy to Text Someone Else
If you’re at diner, or a party, and your girlfriend or date excuses herself and heads outside or into a corner — away from you — to exchange text messages with someone else, you’re probably in a spot of trouble, buddy. The fact that she doesn’t even want you to see her facial expressions while she’s texting means there could very well be something (or someone) that she needs to hide from you.
Nodding Her Head Absently While Reading Her Phone
All of those nods — while she gazes at her phone, updating her Instagram account or catching up on what her friends have been doing since 10 minutes ago — mean she’s only willing to put in a minimum amount of effort to acknowledge that you, a sentient human being, is sitting across from her. If you get a few “uh-huhs” thrown in while you speak, consider yourself lucky. At least she’s willing to burn some extra calories and vocalize the fact that she knows you still exist — even if she still refuses to look directly into your ugly mug.
Consonantly Laughing — Even When You’re Not Being Funny
Laughing too much at what you’re saying, especially when you’re not being particularly funny, or else laughing hysterically at whatever she’s looking at on her smart phone, all point to the likelihood that she thinks you’re a worthless clown. Laughing at you absently to stroke your fragile ego, or laughing without you as she flips through her friend’s hilarious vacation photos, because, let’s face it, clown or not, you’re not amusing her in the slightest.
Evasive Answers to Someone’s Identity
“Who’s texting?” you ask.
“No one,” she answers.
“OK,” you reply. “But really, who?”
“Just a friend.”
All she had to do was say “Mike.” That’s three words and one indefinite article less than “no one, just a friend.” But of course, you know that Mike is your nemesis, and that he’s after your girl. Unfortunately for you, she knows that too.
Taking Way Too Many Photos of Her Food
Every meal, she snaps a ton of photos of her food and posts them online. Every single, bloody meal — even when you’re at Burger King. Why does she do this? To make her friends insanely jealous, or to start a virtual dialogue about the pros and cons of kale and Korean tacos? Or perhaps taking photos of food is simply more interesting than engaging in a meaningful conversation with you?
If, on the off chance, she’s a renowned chef doing research, you can give her pass. Just start taking photos of her taking photos of meals, and presto, you have a new, fulfilling hobby.
Ignoring Her Pain (and Yours) in Favor of Her Phone
While you’re walking down the street, your girlfriend is constantly chatting on her phone with a bevy of other digital socialites, just like her. She trips, falls, bumps her head — but keeps going. Her eyes don’t even leave the screen. She simply wipes away the blood dripping from her forehead onto her iPhone and soldiers on. The conversation shall not be interrupted, because she’s madly in love with her phone, and the opportunities it brings her.
When you cross the street, hand in hand with your gal, and you get hit by an electric car (so dangerously quiet) and break both legs, she doesn’t even notice until someone sends her an alert telling her that you’ve been injured. Yeah, man, maybe it’s time to get a new girlfriend. Social media — and a smart phone — have just bested you.