gold digger

I haven’t had much experience with “gold diggers” because I’ve never been financially stable enough to warrant attention from one, but for those of you out there who are able to make it rain and afford things like steak dinners and diamonds, the folks at DirtSearch.org have your back. The background check group recently pulled data they believe indicates the top 10 names of women in this country who are most likely to be gold diggers:

  1. Jennifer
  2. Jessica
  3. Michelle
  4. Lisa
  5. Ashley
  6. Amanda
  7. Melissa
  8. Stephanie
  9. Nicole
  10. Angela

Now, I’m skeptical of this list because it seems to me it’s just the country’s 10 most common suburban white girl names, but I’m not the expert on compiling data or identifying overly materialistic trollops.

If your girlfriend has any of these names, you may be wondering now if she’s just after your bank account. Dirt Search offers the following ways to identify your girlfriend as a gold digger:

  1. She has a sense of entitlement. She thinks she is a princess and has no long- or short-term goals. If you hit up Dirt Search, you can conduct an anonymous background search on her to see if she’s been convicted of gold-digging crimes like identity theft or personal property theft. The site uses an algorithm to aggregate online data.
  2. Your girl has a problem paying her bills, but has no problem dropping big bucks on things like expensive shoes and clothing and accessories.
  3. She is much younger than you.
  4. She never pays for anything.
  5. She really digs expensive and lavish gifts. She asks you to pay for her manis and pedis, hair appointments, and boughie trips.
  6. She is constantly talking about becoming an actress or a model, despite the fact she doesn’t really seem to have much ambition, drive, or talent.

If you ask me, the best way to identify a gold digger is if she could be unarguably defined as “materialistic,” and if she doesn’t seem to enjoy the special little things the two of you do that aren’t attached to money or high status.

But keep in mind that people dig cool stuff, and they enjoy the feeling of security. Money brings both of these things. Just because your girlfriend sometimes enjoys nice things and expects some sort of gift on an occasional momentous occasion does not mean she’s a gold digger.

I think Craig Finn, front man for the band The Hold Steady, said it best: guys go for looks, and girls go for status.

And the best way to avoid falling under the spell of a gold digger is to refrain from getting too much into your annual salary or any trust funds you may have access to until you’ve built a relationship based on mutual adoration.