Flirting, cavorting and getting acquainted has become an entirely different animal since the dawn of Facebook, Twitter, all that crap. People don’t stumble into each other in chic bars and babble cute nonsense at each other nearly as much. Now it’s forums and algorithms. And while all those well things are well and good, we at Weekly Gravy like to encouraged good impulses and serendipitous encounters. So, the next time you see a pretty honey at the dive-bar-that’s-not-really-a-dive-bar, recite one of these gems.
1) “Hey, wanna go steal some HBO Go with me?” – A line like this says, “Yeah, I’m a rebel. A rebel who keeps up with ‘Game of Thrones.'” It’s got just enough edge to impress…well no one, but maybe your clever suggestion will get the ball rolling. You can compare binge-watching stories while sipping Mai Tais, or whatever this terribly-cute girl thinks is a good drink.
2) “Hi, I’m looking for a conversation that doesn’t involve the World Cup. Can you help me?” – Kids these days with their sports events and their twerking. This is a golden opportunity take the high road and offer that special lady a chat about all the uses of plastic, or the disappearing North Pole, or frankly anything that doesn’t involve occer-say.
3) “Hey, wanna go take pictures of alleys and trash and stuff?” – If there’s one thing the youth of today enjoy it’s art. But more importantly art that doesn’t take too long to make and can be done with basically the things we all have on us. Bingo! Artsy pictures. Who knows maybe the two of you will discover love while photographing a dead bird in a dumpster. Sometimes all the love train needs to leave the station is a dead bird in a dumpster.
4) “I’ve decided I’m going to quit drinking water. Now when I’m thirsty, I just eat celery. It’s like 98% water.”- Celery has a incredible power over women. They love it. Talk of celery and withholding something your body desperately needs will light a fire in her heart. From there on, it’s up to you to stoke the flames with tomato and hummus talk.
5) “Girl, you’re like a Roomba. I bet you clean up everywhere you go.” – Girls like robots. Everyone knows this. Girls also tend to like cleanliness. By comparing her to the sleek robot floor cleaner you’ve pretty much sealed the deal right out of the gate. It’s going to be difficult to follow such a formidable line, perhaps you could say something like, “If you were a drone, I’d wanna surveil you.” That could work.