fonzie

What once began as simply a week of ferocious shark footage has become a legitimate television event. But in the quest to boost ratings and sensationalize their subjects far more than necessary, some terrible programming choices have been made in the past. Anyone remember the animatronic shark? How about that fake documentary about the Megalodon last year? Yikes. Well, after previewing all the promotional materials I can find, I am happy to report that Shark Week looks like it’s going to deliver the goods this year. Here are five incredible reasons to watch Shark Week.

Rob Lowe
If you haven’t seen the promo featuring Rob Lowe riding on two sharks, with a mermaid clinging to his leg and throwing chum in the air… man. Now is the time to watch this slice of marketing genius.

Fin Cams
For the first time ever, cameras are attached to shark’s dorsal fins to get a POV perspective on the enormous animals. Don’t worry, the cameras fall off in a matter of hours, but the footage could help the scientists find enormous sharks that won’t even approach their boat.

Shark Attack Survival Stories
These death-defying stories are a must. Something about a person telling a first-person account of getting attacked by a Great White is utterly transfixing. Expect to be on the edge of your seat.

Deep Blue
The scientists tag a pregnant female Great White (they named it Deep Blue) that is almost 22 feet long.  That is Jaws status. If you have ever wondered what Jaws might have actually looked like, this cannot be missed. Huge! That’s what it looks it like. A shark the size of a baby whale!

F**king Sharks!
This is the most important reason of all, because it’s Shark Week! Time to watch enormous sharks fly out of the water attacking seals. Time to get shudders at the mere sight of those rows of teeth and those terrifying black eyes. So cancel all your plans next week, load up on snacks and indulge in this great American tradition.