1. Ron Swanson
This mustachioed gentleman has won his way into everyone’s home and hearts, despite his proclaimed disinterest in caring about people. Here’s some of his free life advice (some applicable for the holidays):
“Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.”
“Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”
“Are you going to tell a man that he can’t fart in his own car?”
2. Captain Ron
The movie may have been a box office bust in ’92 but there are some serious lessons you can take from the captain. Like, how to anchor a boat, or use dubious nautical skills (and an eye patch) to your advantage. If you take anything away from Captain Ron, it should be that you don’t need to know what you’re doing to have a good time. Also, always wear tank tops when sailing.
3. Ronald Reagan
The good ole cowboy who called Russia’s bluff and simultaneously scared the baby jeezus out of the American public, could be counted on for fudging the facts and some pretty memorable quotes. What else do you want from a pres?
“I’ve noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born.”
“A tree’s a tree. How many more do you need to look at?”
“If there has to be a bloodbath, then let’s get it over with.”
We also think he would have agreed with our #1 Ron: “Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart, and who is poor.”
4. Ron Burgundy
Something about being named Ron, means you love a good manly drink and you’ve got a healthy dose of self-esteem. The most popular newsman of the 1970s is no exception.
“I love scotch. Scotchy scotch scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly.”
“Don’t act like you’re not impressed.”
“Mmm. I look good. I mean, really good. Hey, everyone! Come and see how good I look!”
5. Ron Howard
Giving gingers everywhere hope that they can have hot ginger kids.
6. Ron Weasley
Harry Potter’s sidekick might not have seemed like much in the beginning, but Weasley grew up, got the chick, and grew some magical balls too.
Our favorite Weasley quote?
“Can I have a look at Uranus, too, Lavender?”
7. Ron Jeremy
A grizzly bear who has slept with 3,000-4,000 women who started out as a school teacher. We have to give it up for the hardest working man in show biz, even if that just sounds exhausting.