matinglionsAhh, dryhumping. The mainstay of any teenager’s sexual lifestyle in the 1980s and 90s. There was a time when not only was the act of dryhumping the desirable thing to do, it was the only thing you could do. Everyone was so freaked out about AIDS that dryhumping became the de facto, safe sex alternative.

It was still awesome.

These days it seems that dryhumping isn’t as prevalent. And that’s a damn shame because it was fun…really, really fun. But since everything old is new again, since everyone loves stuff that is retro, we’ve decided to bring back the lost art of dryhumping. To help, here are eight (yeah, eight, cause it’s the sexiest of all the numbers) classic old school jams to help you get into the mood. Let’s start a new trend and make dryhumping the handlebar moustache of sexual acts.

1) “Do Me, Baby” – Prince: How can you celebrate dryhumping and not use a song by his Royal Badness? Prince practically invented the act. And at seven minutes and forty-four seconds this song is the gold standard of old school, dryhumping slow jams.

2) “Untitled (How Does It Feel)” – D’Angelo: This song was made for one reason and one reason only and you know what that reason is. It puts the “slow” in “slow jam”, so hopefully you’ll be able to put the hump in “dryhump.” And to answer your question, D’Angelo, it feels good…real good.

3) “Night and Day” – Al B. Sure: Park your car, grab a wine cooler, put this on the stereo, slide into the back seat and just let the magic happen (hopefully you are not by yourself).

4) “Love No Limit” – Mary J. Blige: You cannot deny the power of Mary. Here slow jams don’t beg you to dryhump – they demand you to dryhump. Are you telling me that you’re going to tell Mary no? Didn’t think so.

5) “Sumthin’ Sumthin’” – Maxwell: This jam is so smooth it makes Jello Pudding seem like granola mixed with flax seed and rocks. The bass line alone will make you want to grind. Light some candles, burn some incense and get busy…but with your clothes on.

6) “Don’t Disturb This Groove” – The System: Never heard of The System, you say? Shame on you. Though they were a one hit mid-80’s wonder, this song has a hook that will keep you grinding. The title alone says it all.

7) “Your Body’s Callin’” – R. Kelly: R. has so many perfect dryhumping anthems that it is near impossible to choose just one. This early jam actually sounds subtle compared to his later work (“Ignition”, anyone?). But this is perfect to get your dryhump on, even if you lack any sort of rhythm what so ever.

8) “Big Poppa” – Notorious B.I.G.: One of the few rap songs out there that was tailor made for non-naked, sexual escapades. You could put this jam on repeat and still be able to groove all night long. And when you think about it, don’t we all love it when we’re called “Big Poppa?” (Note: If You really want to go super old school, check out “Between The Sheets” by The Isley Brothers which Biggy sampled. It too is a perfect song for the hump that is dry.)