The Normal Couple: I believe these folks are often selected because they actually look like normal people who won’t do anything insane when presented with an opportunity to do so—and the Kiss Cam is nothing if not an opportunity to do some absurd shit in front of a bunch of people. Cameramen rely on these normal people often, probably to avoid anything NSFW coming up on the Jumbotron. This couple will smooch on the lips, but it will be the least romantic thing you’ve ever seen.

The Relatives: Camera operators often land on relatives. This tends to make for an interesting and awkward exchange that never gets old to an audience at an athletic event. I’ve seen siblings most often, and one of them usually becomes beat red while the other starts vehemently shaking his or her head no and laughing. The fans are then left to guess whether this non-couple are brother and sister, or if the dude is just stuck hard in the friend zone. If you ever go to a game with your sister, you might want to do what this guy did, just in case you end up on the Kiss Cam.

Go For It Guy: This man has been waiting all his life to be on a Kiss Cam. In fact, it’s the only reason he ever brings his girlfriend to sporting events with him (because watching sports with women is generally the worst, amirite?). You can see the eager anticipation in his eyes as soon as the camera focuses on him, and you can tell he’s been watching intently, maybe even praying a little bit, that tonight will be his night. He then accosts his girl for a passionate kiss that lasts about five seconds. The crowd goes absolutely bonkers. At the kiss’s conclusion, the man triumphantly thrusts both his hands into the air, and makes a solemn promise to himself: never again will he bring his girlfriend to a sporting event. His mission has been accomplished and she is no longer necessary.

The Couple Who Hate PDA: If you don’t dig PDA, then the Kiss Cam is like your worst nightmare. When the camera hits this couple, they try to act like they don’t notice, but then are forced to acknowledge what is happening when everyone near them starts nudging them and pointing hysterically to the Jumbotron. They then scowl, the audience boos, and after an uncomfortable amount of time the cameraman goes to the next couple. These people are the worst, and I would throw a beer at them if said beer hadn’t cost $9.

The Married Parents: These two are too busy for this shit. They’re trying to get their kids to stop spilling nacho cheese on the people in front of them, so someone in the row behind has to tap them on the shoulders. They look up, the guy thinks about how this is about the most action he’s going to get since last Valentine’s Day when he bought her a Tiffany bracelet, and then the mom leans over and gives him a peck. She does this while keeping the angry look on her face, and is even more agitated now than she was before, because she was bothered by some stupid cameraman while trying to take care of her brood. “Well, maybe you should try doing 8 loads of laundry and packing 3 lunches every f**king day, then,” she says to her husband in bed that night when he asks why she didn’t seem to dig the Kiss Cam experience. He does not bring up his misunderstanding as to why this is part of the argument.

The Elderly Couple: These lovely old people are a Kiss Cam staple. I’m pretty sure the cameraman who finds the ideal elderly couple gets a bonus for the night. There’s not much to it, they just see themselves on the big screen, smile and look at one another with a look of love that has weathered the years. They lay a little peck down, and the crowd goes NUTS. I guess this is because it instills a belief in people that lasting love does actually exist, and that it can last through the years. Also it’s funny to think of old people expressing their love in physical ways.

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