underwear

Numbers make the world go round. Complex algorithms keep planes in the air and the New York Stock Exchange in motion. It should come as no surprise, then, that numbers play a factor in your appeal with the fairer sex. No, I’m not referring to the numbers in your bank account or your exact waistline, but distilling a few characteristics down to sheer digits is a clean and clear way to explain just how important some things are.

Let’s start with one. You should have one job, one car, and one home. Having a job is not about where you came from. Some people come from money and don’t have to worry about paying the rent, others struggle to make ends meet their whole lives. Regardless, a job is a must. It shows, at the very least, that you are taking care of yourself and staying motivated. Now we can romanticize life without a car, but barring a few major cities in America, not owning a car really isn’t an option. No attractive, well-adjusted female wants to pick you up for a hot date or meet you at the bus stop. The novelty of that wears off quite quickly. Lastly, a place you call home is necessary. I’m not referring to a 4-bedroom house with a picket fence and cocker spaniel named Spike (although that doesn’t sound bad), I’m talking a place that’s yours and not your parents’.

Now, onward to two. Everyone aught to have two wine glasses. Does that sound ridiculous? Are you single and don’t want to be? Get some wine glasses. No one’s asking you to become a wine expert, a pair of wine glasses simply means you understand a little decorum and at times, attempt to be slightly sophisticated. No harm in that, right? Here’s another two: cleaning products. No, I’m not talking about soap or detergent (although you had better own those), I mean glass cleaner, dish washing fluid, bleach, all-surface cleaners. If you don’t have at least two around the house, it’s time to splurge on some. Also, it really helps if you use them.

Finally, here are a few things that owning at least three of can only help you with. Every adult man should own at least three pairs of shoes. Why? I’m not suggesting you can’t work in tennis shoes and you can’t spend the weekend in wingtips, these things vary. But that special woman you are attempting to romance would appreciate that you put in a little effort. Being thoughtful trumps money and bravado every time. And being thoughtful takes effort. Last but absolutely, positively not least is underwear. You should own three pairs of underwear that are not rotting off of you when you wear them. Now to some, such a low number sounds absurd. To them I heartily salute you. Own dozens! Three is simply a meager starting place.

So, next time you have love on your mind, put on the best of your three pairs of underwear, dust off your two wine glasses and go pick her up in your car. Because although one is good, two is infinitely better.