hamburgerWalking down the streets of Los Angeles and seeing hip burger joint after hip burger joint is just like waking down the street and every fifty feet seeing a blonde in low cut jeans showing off her lower back tattoo. It’s really hot the first few times but very quickly it becomes annoying and you just want them to move out of the way.

Is anyone going to re-invent the burger (again) so that it is even more delicious than it already is? And is anyone going to come up with a lower back tattoo that doesn’t make you stare more than you already are? The answer to both has got to be no. Sadly, we have reached the zenith of each.

Now, no one is knocking a good burger with fancy ingredients. Hell yes, a $14.50, grass-fed beef patty topped with warm brie, pickled chilies and horseradish mustard on a homemade multi-grain bun will be an odds on favorite to taste like it came from splendid town. But as you are overcharging for said meal because you think it is so special, don’t think for one damn second that what you are serving is an original creation. We can get the same high-end burger just down the block for the exact same price. So enjoy being just like everybody else.

All of these burger places hype themselves to be “unique” and “original” and yet all of them offered applewood bacon, onion straws and chipotle ketchup in their options. Now the point isn’t whether these places serve a tasty burger or not. (Pulp Fiction reference intentional.) The point is that, like the tramp stamp, these burger joints are everywhere, essentially offering the same thing. So while it might be cool to look at a menu and declare, “Hey I can get a pretzel bun,” when you see that same pretzel bun at eight different burger restaurants it becomes…dare I say…less exciting. The same can be said for the tramp stamp. The first girl who put a Chinese symbol on her upper ass was hot.

The second was a poser and the seventeenth was just trying too hard.

And just like the girls with the tramp stamps, burger joints are constantly trying to outdo each other. It’s not just a burger. It’s got to be special. Having just a meat patty on a bun with lettuce, tomato and a pickle is apparently a crime.  No, no, no – it’s got to be different. Well, guess what? Everyone trying to be different always comes out to everybody being the same. Yes, a fried egg on a burger is awesome. Really awesome. Really, really, super, duper awesome. But that doesn’t make it unique. It’s like having a tattoo of Tweety Bird on your lower back saying, “I thought I saw a puddy tat!” Unique, maybe to you, until you walk by a girl at the mall who has had the same ink done. Then you know what you got? Two girls pissed off with each other and a catfight ensues (which, come to think of it, really isn’t that bad of a thing).

Maybe it’s okay that burgers and tramp stamps are no longer “a thing.” Maybe it’s fine that Red Robin now does specialty burgers and soccer moms have butterflies on their lower backs. Both are still enjoyable despite no longer being one of a kind. Besides, everything has a shelf life. Whether it is food or fashion – fads can’t remain cool forever.

Just ask quiche and acid wash jeans.