mastiffSo, you’re a guy living in the big city, and you’re looking for a little companionship. I don’t mean Friday of Saturday night after the bars close. I’m talking about real life, Monday morning, when you wake up, right before you head off to work.

A slobbery kiss from a canine buddy could be just the thing to give your existence a little more warmth. The problem is, you, city-dweller that you are, don’t want to get a typical, tiny yippee dog, or a pocket bag pooch, like a Havanese, Lhasa Apso or Toy Poodle, which most people associate with the fairer sex. You’ve got your macho ego to protect, after all.

Don’t worry. There are plenty of city-appropriate dogs out there, coming in a variety of sizes that could easily fill the “best friend” vacancy in your busy schedule. Here are a few of them:

English Bulldog

Yep, a big old bulldog can make a great pet for a man trapped in the confines of an urban metropolis. These four-legged beasts need to get a bit of exercise outside of the apartment every day, but other than a short walk now and again, they’re content to transform into a lumpy potato taking up space on your couch. They look pretty tough, which will let manly men take pride in their new bulldog pets — but in their hearts, these dogs are big pushovers, incredibly loyal, and brimming over with affection.

French Bulldog

French Bulldogs, smaller than normal bulldogs, are great for guys living in the city. They’ve got tons of confidence — to the point of being fairly stubborn, but they still get along with absolutely everyone, and they love to laze about. They’re exceptionally simple to keep clean, and since the top-heavy anatomy of the males makes it virtually impossible for them to hump anything (females are usually artificially inseminated), you won’t have to worry about shaking a horny Frenchie off your leg every time it’s feeling a little frisky.

Great Danes

Yes, Great Danes are mammoth dogs (hence the name “great”), but they’re not speed demons, even in the slightest. You’ll have to take them out for some exercise on a daily basis, but other than that, these mellow giants really do love to lounge around the apartment and spend quality “down” time with their owners. Since Great Danes are quiet dogs, they won’t annoy your neighbors, and thanks to their colossal size, your male ego should do just fine. 

Greyhounds

Yes, Greyhounds are built for speed, but in reality, they just want to hang around, kick back on your furniture, and do nothing at all except spend some inert time with you. This is even truer if you decide to adopt a retired racer. Its sprinting days are over, which means taking a snooze on your couch is the highlight of its day, in addition to taking comfort in the fact that you’re its best friend — forever. Greyhounds do need to be taken out for walks, but they don’t require a large interior space for living, and they’re pretty easy to groom.

Mastiffs

Like Great Danes, the Mastiff is another large breed of dog that does surprisingly well in the city. Since there’s absolutely no chance you’ll ever be able to stick on these guys into a shopping bag, you’ll need to be in reasonably good health to deal with one — not that you’ll be hoisting your heavy Mastiff around on your back all day. These gigantic pooches are actually pretty damn lazy, and just like to lie about. Dog barking and running around in order to burn off excessive energy will never be an issue, although you will have to get used to a good amount of doggy drool.