Sorry For My Cowardice On The F Train—m4w—26
I’m going to go ahead and assume you’ve seen The Sandlot and will know what I mean when I say that when I saw you, I had to enthusiastically rub at my eyes with my fist, shake my head rapidly, and then look at you again. Like Michael “Squints” Palledorous did when he laid eyes on Wendy Peffercorn. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Real “Girl Of My Dreams” potential, from an aesthetic standpoint, anyway. You sat down next to one of those hard-ass Italian dudes who wear way too much gold and are really proud to have ancestors from a country they have probably never even visited. When you boarded, I was writing in my pocket notebook, but once you entered the train and my life I was unable to concentrate. Instead, I kept stealing glances at you and wondering how in the hell a person is supposed to walk up to a stranger on a subway and say something like “Hello. I think you are very beautiful, and would like to learn if your personality matches your visual appeal.” I was still pondering this when, as I stole another glance, the Italian guy made eye contact with me and said “What the f**k do you think you’re doin’, guy? What’re you writing about me? How about I kick your ass?”
Normally I would’ve started laughing and been like, “Don’t flatter yourself. I’m writing about you, you big dumb idiot. Why would I write about you?” But he looked like a guy who definitely would’ve done his talking with his fists, and I would not have one. Which wouldn’t have impressed you very much. So in an act of self-preservation, I de-trained at the next stop.
If you’d like to meet and talk about my mostly pacifistic ways, please message me and tell me what color my notebook is.
We Go To School Together Who The Hell Are You Though?—m4w—26
At Miami Ad School, there are very many attractive people. But you—you are the most beautiful girl I have seen there, and maybe in the entirety of my career as a student. I had never seen you before until a break in my class when I was walking toward the bathroom. I almost pissed myself right then and there. And again when you spoke to me. “Sorry, both of the bathrooms are closed,” you said. I stopped walking. “What? What the hell?” Then you laughed and said you were just kidding. I said I was about to turn around to go in the kitchen and piss in the sink and you said that you endorsed that idea. If you said something random to me for reasons beyond just being friendly, pleae message me and tell me what color Vans I was wearing. Though I’m not entirely sure you actually exist.
Laugh Hard, It’s A Long Way To The Bank—m4w—26
We locked eyes as I was walking past the Funny Bone, where you were about to enter, so you could sit down and watch some stand-up. You smiled the most beautiful smile I have ever seen in my entire life, and I almost passed out, but kept my composure and managed to stroll around the corner, where I leaned against the wall and contemplated my next move. I had to meet you. But when I went to purchase a ticket to the show, I found I couldn’t afford it. So while you were inside laughing, I was outside crying. If you see this, please message me. I promise I’m working on my finances.
I Hate That I Miss You But I Do—m4w—26
We had that night together in Pittsburgh when I was home for the holidays, and then you came to visit in January and it was the best weekend I have maybe ever had with a girl. Remember when we laid in my bed on Saturday afternoon, just reading quietly? I loved it. There are so many things about that weekend and the time before and briefly after before you began to remove yourself from my life that I can’t stop thinking about. It’s like an every day thing. I forget sometimes but then I remember and there’s this terrible, awful, no good pang that hits me right in the stomach (where a doctor once told me our nerves react the earliest and most). I don’t know what happened to us and I don’t know what to do. You might be the one connection that I really truly did miss. If you feel anything for me at all anymore, and especially if you think about me like I think about you, please message me. I’ll do pretty much anything for you. Within reason, of course.
Image Credit: “Missed Connection” by Adrian Tomine