We all know how great Prince is. But did you know just how great? Well, it turns out that his Royal Badness is better than everyone. Yeah. That’s right. EVERYONE. And now that he has recently re-signed with his old record company Warner Brothers and they have decided to give him all of his masters, it is now official: Any person breathing oxygen on the planet Earth is not as good as Prince. It’s just something we all must learn to accept. But if you are still in denial, below are seventeen reasons proving why Prince is the greatest person in existence. (And if you don’t know why there are specifically seventeen reasons on this list, don’t feel too bad. It’s just further proof that you aren’t as good as The Purple One.)
17) Prince is no joke at ping pong, the most aggressive, competitive, non-contact sport that man has ever created.
16) He can play basketball in high heels. Meanwhile D. Rose gets injured even when no one touches him.
15) The man plays over twenty musical instruments.
14) Two words: “Graffiti Bridge.”
13) Prince turned Sheena Easton into a sexual dynamo. No one saw that coming.
12) He can make an omelet better than you. Yes he can!
11) He can pull off being naked while sitting on a giant flower as the cover for his album. Lets see Mumford & Sons do that!
10) Prince singlehandedly made using “2” for “to” popular, making him more important to the English language than Shakespeare.
9) His hairdos throughout the years would make a common man crumble yet he rocks the s*#t out them.
8) The man plays over seventy-four musical instruments.
7) He is the only Jehovah’s Witness you wouldn’t close the door on.
6) Because of him we got to see Appolonia naked in “Purple Rain.”
5) He wrote “Manic Monday” for The Bangles specifically so he could get with Suzanna Hoffs. How many hit singles did you write for the soul purpose of getting some strange?
4) You have never seen him in jeans. Ever.
3) Prince has thousands of unreleased songs in his vault. Most people don’t even have a vault.
2) He knows exactly what it sounds like when doves cry.
1) The man plays over nine hundred and fifty-seven musical instruments.