boxer

“Always wear clean underwear in case you get into an accident.”

My mother never said this to me, although I have a dim memory of my Grandmother saying something along those lines. I guess the logic behind “always wear clean underwear” is that you don’t want to be judged by the paramedics, nurses and doctors who will be treating you after a terrible accident — since they live to judge people on their choice of underwear, of course. If you take a second and actually think about this, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Chances are that after getting hit by a car you would have already soiled your britches. Even if you manage to keep your muscles clenched, the blood from whatever mishap has befallen you should cover up your untidy boxer shorts quite nicely.

Hey, every cloud has a silver lining, right?

While I’ve just given you a logical out as far as the unkempt state of your undergarments happen to be, you still might want to think about heading in the other direction. If the clothes really do make the man, why not start out with the most basic clothing touching your skin — and opt for some boxer-short chic? While the nurse or doctor in the emergency room might not care about your fashion sensibility, you’ll feel better about yourself, and you just might surprise your next date. Who knows, some slick-looking boxers just might seal the deal.

Her: “Where did you get those amazing boxer shorts?”

Him: “I don’t know. Here, let me take them off so I can look at the tag …”

To help you in your conquest of boxer short fashion (never go with tighty whities), I’ve included a bit of information about how awesome and varied boxer shorts can be. Just make sure you wash them on a regular basic, or all of this information will have been for naught. You’re not a Neanderthal after all, dressed in grubby animal skins…

Humorous

Let’s face it. While boxers can make a serious fashion statement, they can also be pretty darn funny. The clothing you choose to cover up you bits and bob with can also be used to convey your wicked sense of humor. With online retailers like Webundies and BeWild, you can order cheeky (literally!) boxer shorts that range from mildly offensive (lots of fart-based poetry) to absolutely hilarious, including such verbal gems as “I’m a lean, mean farting machine” to images of the American flag, Batman and Al Pacino as Scarface, not to mention the “oops, my wang fell out” boxer shorts. Classy stuff…

Damn Sexy

If humor isn’t your forte, you might want to impress the ladies — or yourself when you’re prancing around in front of you full-length mirror (we all have on of those, right?) — with some sexy boxer shorts. Blue Line (very risqué), Calvin Klein, Diesel and Tommy Hilfiger can help you out here. All you have to do now is choose between boxer briefs or traditional, loose-fitting boxers.

Mysterious

Want to keep people guessing about what type of fabric you’re sporting beneath your slacks or denim? Why not go for boxer shorts made out of atypical materials that boast a different type of look and feel? That’s as about as mysteries as you can get with your underwear. Organic hemp, bamboo fabric, organza, pure satin and silk are just some of the fabrics you can choose from. Not only will you eventually find the material that best suits your skin, but you’ll also have a great new conversation piece to delve into at dinner parties.

Laid-Back Cool

Loose, baby. Natural colors, like a soft brown, oatmeal or even a summery white. Easy, comfortable cotton. Swinging in the breeze. No reason to crush the family jewels in a bunching of elastic and spandex. If you want the laid-back cool look, simply put on a fresh, clean pair (follow your mama’s advice) every day and then just relax. What could be more causally chic than that? Look for boxers with a high thread count and a flowing, yet comfy fit and design, and you should be set. Sometimes simple really is the best way to go.