coffee and bagel

Coffee Meets Bagel is a dating app that separates itself from the others out there by presenting its members with one match daily at noon who you can categorize as as a match or decline. If the other person “likes” you, you are notified and a messaging line is set up for the two of you. It is very like Tinder, except without the rapid-fire-swiping aspect.

But Coffee Meets Bagel also offers a service Tinder and other dating apps don’t: when you have a match, it sends you both an SMS message with an open question. It’s an ice breaker, essentially.

I love the concept of this, because my main issue with Tinder is that I don’t know how a person is supposed to begin a conversation other than to say “I think you look hot.”

However, Coffee Meets Bagel is ultra-weak in the question department. They’ll ask stuff like “Are you a morning or night person?” or “Any exciting travel plans for the next year?”

They can do better. One of the many pleasures of online dating is you can get the bullshit, lame questions out of the way yourself with a cursory glance at a person’s website. May as well make the first question something more compelling than ordinary, right?

Here are some question suggestions for the Coffee Meets Bagel copywriters:

  • Where do you believe all of the cowboys have gone?
  • Why is Jada Kiss as hard as it gets?
  • What’s the best thing that has happened to you in the past week? Don’t be afraid to brag!
  • What would you like to get out of your Coffee Meets Bagel experience?
  • How many other dating sites do you belong to? Be honest.
  • Who the f**k started the fire????
  • Would you bone on the first date if the timing and the lighting was right and he or she looked at you in just the right way?
  • Have you ever cheated on someone, and if so, how did you justify your decision to do so?
  • Do you want to have children? If so, how many, and how flexible are you on this topic?
  • It’s Friday night. You’re hammered drunk or high on drugs. What is your go-to meal?
  • When was the last time you were checked for STDs, and how did it go?
  • If you absolutely had to get an STD, which one would you go with and why?
  • What is your favorite drink and venue if you’re looking to really tie a few on?
  • Who is your celebrity crush of the month, and why do they achieve this honor?
  • Imagine that the two of you went on a splendid first date. Who should initiate a conversation about a second date, how long should he or she wait to do so, and in what medium would you like to have this conversation?
  • What is your favorite band of all time, and why?
  • Say you have five hours of complete free time. What would be your ideal way to spend it?
  • Suppose this very message sparks a relationship that is eventually considered exclusive and serious. How often per week would you like to see your significant other?
  • We hope that this question eventually leads to this number decreasing, but how often do you masturbate? Be honest. Everyone does it.
  • Are you a Mac person or a Windows person? How important is this trait to you on a scale of 1 to 10?
  • How do you generally feel about PDA?
  • What does the word “feminism” mean to you?
  • Somebody hands you $1,000, tax-free. The only caveat is that you must spend it within an hour. What do you do with the money?
  • WHAT’S IN THE BOX?!?!
  • You’ve just encountered a genie that has a voice very much like Robin Williams’. What three wishes do you make?
  • What are your thoughts on people who constantly post workout-related pictures to their social media accounts?