numberIf you’ve partaken of the ritual of bar and club hopping in the hopes of finding that “special someone,” or at least that “special” one-nighter, you’ve probably overheard a lion’s share of cheesy, gross, overly romantic, and perhaps, even sacrilegious pick-up lines. With enough courage, or liquid courage pumping through your veins, you might have even tried a few of these awful lines out for yourself, while trying to convince someone to go home with you. Never hurts to give it a shot, right?

Eh, wrong.

As a public service, we’re giving you a representative sample of some epic “crash and burn” pick-up lines. You may have already used, or heard someone else use one, or maybe all of these gems, but unless you look like a Greek deity and can say pretty much anything you want and still score, you would do well to avoid the below.

Our advice, when all is said and done, is to just be you, sober up a tad, and try and have a real conversation.

Crash and Burn Pick-up Lines

I’m hunting for treasure, (looks at boobs) and I’ve just found a treasure chest.

“E” “Z” are my favorite two letters of the alphabet.

I lost my virginity. Would you mind if I borrowed yours?

Do you believe in love at first sight? If not, I can walk by again.

It’s not the booze that’s got me wasted. It’s just that you’re so intoxicating.

I need first aid. I just took a serious spill — falling for you.

You look like you could use a bit of a pick-me-up. How about some vitamin me?

My love for you is like bad Indian food — very explosive.

Folks call me fortunate, but you can call me anytime.

The alphabet has just been changed. “U” and “I” are now together.

Do we know each other? You really look like my next girlfriend.

Seeing you has sent my heart into shock. I’ll need some serious mouth-to-mouth resuscitation in order to survive.

Can I have a kiss? I’ll give it right back.

We could go halfsies for dinner, or just halfsies on the bastard we’ll make later tonight.

If you were a library book, I’d check you out, and read every page.

I’ve got a big problem with my eyes. I just can’t take them off of you.

I don’t believe in reincarnation, but if I did, I’d come back as your kid and breastfeed for the rest of my life.

You must be an angel sent from God, because you’re the answer to all my prayers.

Your breasts look really heavy. I’d be happy to hold them for you.

Why do you even bother with makeup? You can’t improve upon perfection.

You’re heading to jail tonight, because it has got to be illegal to look as good as you do.

Hi, nice to meet you. Now that we’re friends now, would it be too soon to ask for some benefits?