surfersThe use of the word “bro” has gotten annoyingly out of hand. Guys are using it on their buddies, their co-workers and even complete strangers. It is the bro-ification of America and it just has to stop.

We are not brothers. We aren’t even related. We are barely familiar with each other. So why are you bro-ing me? Here is what you are saying when you call people you don’t know, “bro”: “I can’t remember your name but I don’t want to look like an idiot and I really want you to think I’m cool, so I’ll just call you ‘bro.’” It is laziness wrapped in an affected coolness and then smothered in douchery.

Now, “dude” is acceptable. “Dude” does not imply familiarity. It’s just a way to greet someone you don’t really know but might be okay with and if you are not okay with, hey, no harm no foul. It’s a more honest greeting without all that forced friendliness, whereas saying “bro”* just smacks of lies and mistrust.

(*And please, for all that is sacred in this precious thing we call life, unless you were born in Hawaii, DO NOT CALL PEOPLE “BRAH.” You are better than that.)

If you are calling everyone you know, “bro”, how truly sincere are you being? Shouldn’t the term “bro” have some weight behind it? Shouldn’t it have a deeper meaning? Because, honestly, if you call your best friend “bro” and then turn around and call the valet parking attendant “bro”, then people are going to really question your sincerity. Frankly, by giving up the word “bro” to everyone you meet in life, you’re pretty much acting like a slutbag.

But even those closest to you should be spared from this infuriating habit of referring to people as your brother. Even if your best friend since elementary school lent you forty grand, destroyed your nemesis at work, introduced you to your future wife who just happens to be a supermodel and then saved you from a burning hotel fire, you still shouldn’t call him “bro.” You should thank him repeatedly on a daily basis and name your first born after him (whether boy or girl) but you should just call him by his given name. That is the reason why we have names.

By nature we are all creatures of habit. The more you keep calling people “bro”, the harder it is to stop. It will become an addiction that is worse than shooting brown tar heroin. Pretty soon you will be calling your mom, your boss, your landlord, everyone you come in contact with, “bro.” And the moment you call your girlfriend “bro” – congratulations. You are now a full-blown “bro” addict – and also single again.

 

At some point it will no longer be cool to use the term, “bro.” It will be like someone still using worn-out slang such as “daddio” or “cat” (though both are still much preferable to “bro”). Trust me, you don’t want to be that guy being caught using “bro” when everyone else has moved on. Stop the “bro” nonsense, dude. Don’t call people “bro” – not even your real brother.