in love

  1. Everything around you seems to somehow be a little bit better. Things stress you out less, you worry less about inconsequential things that used to drive you crazy, and you just generally strut around with a higher level of happiness and joviality. (And it’s driving your friends f**king crazy.)
  2. You find yourself randomly smiling like an idiot in public or at your workplace when you read text messages or emails from her. And other people are noticing and calling you out on it.
  3. Instead of worrying about what she’s going to answer while you’re waiting for her to respond to a text—you’re confident by now that anything she says to you will be positive or at least not “I want you out of my life forever”—you worry that she has been taking a while with her response because something bad has happened to her. The relief you feel when she finally answers and is safe, sound and OK is very real.
  4. You find yourself perving dishes much less often than you used to. You’ll be on the train getting things done or thinking about your girlfriend and realize that you aren’t even worried about the women around you.
  5. Porn almost starts to feel like cheating, which is weird, because you’ve been watching porn most of your life and haven’t even considered giving it up for any of your previous significant others.
  6. The mere thought of her being angry or upset with you fills you with angst and an awful sadness.
  7. The two of you have been doing all that weird coupley sh*t that you use to find disgusting when other people did it. And you’ve been doing it way past the general time period allotted for the “Honeymoon Period.”
  8. You’ve been having orgasms at the same time. You really have to be in tune with someone for that sort of thing to happen.
  9. After an initial stage of extreme hesitance and restraint, you’ve started farting a little bit around her and openly discussing bodily functions. Not because you think it’s cool to fart around girls, but because you know that if you’re going to be with someone forever, it’s going to happen sooner or later, and you may as well start now and HOLY SH*T YOU’RE ENTERTAINING THE NOTION OF BEING WITH ONE PERSON FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND YOU’RE NOT EVEN ALL THAT FREAKED OUT ABOUT IT.
  10. The silent times are completely comfortable. You can spend hours at a time lying next to each other and reading or watching movies. Their presence is always welcome, but it isn’t awkward when it’s quiet, and you don’t feel like you’re somehow forced to always be talking.
  11. You very much want your family to meet her, because you know they’ll be proud (and, let’s be honest, somewhat astounded) that you’ve somehow managed to find this girl and that she likes you back.
  12. The good night and good morning texts are a daily ritual.
  13. You love the way she smells.
  14. You’re doing chivalrous acts not because you think she or society expect them from you, but because you want to do small, nice, vaguely romantic things for her, coupled with grand romantic gestures.
  15. You’ve come to prefer sleeping with her to sleeping alone, and you’re much more into cuddling than you thought you might ever be.
  16. When the ex you were consistently pining for randomly hits you up, you respond with something like “LOL BYE FELICIA.”
  17. You acknowledge that things could go bad and/or end, but you’re cautiously optimistic that they won’t. Because you can’t imagine what it would be like not to be with this person, and you hope you never have to find out.