There are two types of people in a relationship:
One who can make up his or her mind.
The other who can’t.
And the one who can’t always wins the relationship.
Always. Every time.
You might think the person who can make up his or her mind is the victor in the relationship (and if you don’t think there is any winning or losing in a relationship, then you have clearly never been one in), but you would be wrong. If you are in a committed relationship,* the one who just can’t make up his or her mind always wins. It’s just a harsh fact of being in love with someone.
(*Notice I wrote “committed relationship.” In a casual, not serious, whatevs kind of relationship, the decisive person wins for the simple fact that he or she decides to get the f*#k out of said relationship.)
The person who can never make up their mind always “needs time to think” or “time to ponder” or “time to mull.” And to push that non-decisive person into making a decision is seen as “aggressive”, “not supportive,” or just plain “mean.” So even though the decisive person is made to wait, white-knuckle style, for the love of their life to make a g*ddamn decision, any sort of cajoling to hurry up and pull the trigger on a decision – any decision – is perceived as being a jerk. For the sake of harmony in the relationship, those who can make up their mind are at the mercy of those who can’t.
And therein lies the non-decisive person’s power.
Yes, different people process information in different ways. Some people process quickly – others process slowly (very, very slowly). I’m not saying one way is better than the other. What I am saying is that, oftentimes, the person in a relationship who needs time to finalize a choice will make their decisive loved one stew until that decision has miraculously been made. On their schedule. So the one who can make a decision quickly and easily is forced to wait. And waiting sucks for those who can make up their mind.
Victory goes to the indecisive.
Of course, there are some decisions that need time and need to be thought out. Buying a house, having a kid, bringing a third person into the sex life – all of these require some amount of thinking before a decision can be made. But come on, most day-to-day decisions aren’t that critical. Most decisions can be made with little muss and fuss. You don’t need an hour and a quiet place to decide if you need to get the car washed or not. But to the indecisive, all decisions have equal weight, which leaves the decisive standing around biting his or her tongue so as not to upset their indecisive partner and make that decision take even friggin’ longer.
People who don’t like to make up their minds in a timely manner always like to say, “Hey, what’s the rush?” If you are one who likes to make up their minds immediately the retort is, “What’s the delay?” Does everything need to be mulled over to death? Does every decision require time to reflect? Why does the decision on what sushi to order for takeout need so much pondering and soul searching? It’s raw fish – order it, eat it, end of book. But to the indecisive, everything needs to be carefully thought out before a decision can be made, leaving the decisive person in the relationship effectively waiting – waiting and starving.
There is an old proverb that says, “A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.” General Patton had a quote similar to this and that man won World War II so you know it’s got to work. Everyone should try and live by these words of wisdom. It is an incredibly practical way of thinking and can be applied to all aspects of one’s life…
Especially to relationships.
(Author’s note: In no way, shape or form does this have anything to do with my wife. I…swear?)