peach and mario

There is a certain type of female that was long thought to be only a myth. She is whispered about at E3 and Comicon, but no actual evidence of her exists. She’s as elusive as a Sasquatch and and as intangible as a ghost, but infinitely more alluring and rare.

She is the gamer girlfriend.

If this mysterious nerd dream happens to enter your life, there are a few rules to ensure she doesn’t eat you alive and leave your carcass outside the San Diego Convention Center.

First things first, in the mind of your average male, playing any number of video games and attempting to woo an awesome female is like trying to mix really sexy oil and really fun water. The two rarely cross paths in the dude psyche (maybe because we know trying to unite the two concepts is a lost cause and a recipe for disaster, in some cases). But if you’re in the process of romancing a serious gamer, you’ll have to get comfortable with melding these two terrific things without any fuss, which might be easier said than done.

Here’s a piece of advice that is worth its weight in Super Mario Star Coins: learn to lose.

Let’s say you are the superior player (which might be unlikely, since this is the lady gamer and they know how the buttons work, and then some). Well, it’s not exactly going to drive her wild getting pummeled in every game. It doesn’t matter who’s the better player, no one person can win every time. That’s just science. And sound dating strategy.

Another thing to remember if you’re thinking about giving the lady gamer the controller to your heart: all that determination it takes to keep playing after the last boss has beaten you over and over again? Well, you of all people know that it hardens a person’s resolve. That means she could be pretty strong-willed. Which means learning to compromise, even when you aren’t playing a game.

If a fellow gamer with a heart of gold is what you seek, then the gamer girlfriend might be just what the Dr. Mario ordered. She can teleport you on a warp-pad to world of affection and perhaps teach you a few secret codes in the game of love (I’m sorry).

But just remember: she doesn’t like to lose.